my year of searching for happiness

a conclusion to my 12-month project

When I launched this newsletter in late December of 2023, I named it “the search for more.” I didn’t know what, exactly, I was searching for. I didn’t know what I wanted. The only thing I knew was that I wanted something else—something more than the reality I was living at the time.

I was not actively unhappy. I rarely cried. My life was good. I had friends, a stable job, a healthy body, a loving family and boyfriend. But despite this good fortune, I had a hard time getting out of bed in the morning, I spent countless hours scrolling on my phone. I was envious of others and sensitive to even the slightest of rejections. I was 27, but felt old. Psychically old. Embittered, hyperaware of the passage of time, overly nostalgic. I had the feeling that life was happening to me. I was not an active participant.

So I decided, in January of 2024, to launch a year-long project—a happiness project. The task seemed impossibly daunting, commanding so much commitment over such a long period. But I kn…